Snow problem

Yes, I know I haven't written anything for a while. I have been in a fortnight-long sulk because, despite it snowing nearly every day, the white stuff refuses to stick. The weather is toying with me, the tease - a flurry here, a flake there, but no deep blanket of sparkling whiteness. No crunching snow underfoot. No snowball fights. It doesn't help that our resident Canadian keeps making scoffing comments of the "call this snow, you ain't seen snow, man, where I come the snow is twenty feet high on a good day" variety. At which I have to try hard not to give in to the urge to lock the maple-loving midget in one of the fridges. In his underwear.


If I don't satisfy my need for a snowball fight soon, I may have to break into our local Farm Foods and raid their freezers for ice.


This morning all the staff were lined up by the shop window - Me, Lucy, Vinnie and Dylan-The-Idiot-Boy - watching the snow fall.


Me: Stick. Stick, damn you.


Lucy: It is getting a bit thicker.


Vinnie: That's not thick. One winter, back in the Maritimes, the snow was so thick you couldn't see out of the window. The upstairs window.


Me: Vinnie, rearrange these words to form a sentence. Up. Fuck. Shut. The.


Lucy: Oh look, there's Mahasti.


We observed the delectable Mahasti walk by the window towards the health store. Her hair and shoulders had a light dusting of snow.


Lucy: She looks like she's got dandruff.


Me: She looks cold.


Dylan-the-Idiot-Boy: I guess it's the first time she's seen snow.


Three heads turn and regard him with varying degrees of incredulity.


Me: And why should that be, pray?


Dylan-the-Idiot-Boy: Well, there's not going to be any snow where she comes from, is there?


Me: She comes from London.


Dylan-the-Idiot-Boy: Not originally.


Me: You're right. Originally, she's from Woking.


 


So now you see why we call him Dylan-the-Idiot-Boy. And if this snow ever sticks he is going to be buried in the nearest drift. In his underwear.


The Bottle Shop recommendation for today: Cono Sur Syrah, 2002 (Chile). A jolly wine with a rich bouquet of spicy vanilla and berries. Chosen because it's from Chile (Chile... chilly... snow - geddit? Geddit...? Tsk. My brand of humour is wasted on you folk, wasted I say). £4.99
4.3.05 14:34